He Said, She Said but Behind My Back

GossipGossip means to spread rumors or discuss someone’s personal life behind their back. Sensationalizing or spreading false information about a person’s intimate matters is commonplace amongst the youth. But words can be mangled and facts misrepresented to form something which does not contain a grain of truth. This complete disregard for someone’s privacy ends up hurting many people and in the end leaves you feeling guilty.

Any conversation that you have about someone behind their back is gossip because it is likely to involve damaging and malicious rumors. The tidbits could be true but once they are spread from one person’s lips to the next, the truth is distorted and everyone misconstrues the information. This can be damaging to a person’s reputation. In colleges and workplaces gossip can spread like wildfire and soon it reaches the person it is about.

Even if what you say about a person is true it is still not right to invade their privacy by discussing their character or private matters behind their back. Gossip can be humiliating and it leads to bullying and alienation of a person in the society. The bible says about spreading gossip:

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. (Proverbs 16:28 ESV)

A comprehensive Bible study will tell you that passing a biting remark or making fun of someone when they are not present there is a form of gossip and frowned upon by Jesus Christ. Indulging in secret jokes at the others expense is talked about in the book explicitly:

The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, angry looks (Proverbs 25:23 ESV)

But what should a person do when everyone around them is talking about a certain person in an unpleasant manner? It is simple! Just walk away. Even listening to gossip can make you as guilty as the one who is propagating the lies. When the gossipmonger loses his/her audience they also lose interest thus ending the vicious cycle.

 For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases (Proverbs 26:20 ESV).

If all young people follow this advice and refuse to listen to slander and pay attention to any rumors, the rumor would die down and the gossiping would end. Following God’s commands as learned in
Bible study it is better to not spend time with such people and cut them out of your life. If you ever find yourself in a situation where it is impossible to walk away then just change the topic or tell them you are not comfortable discussing that person’s life. As said in the Holy Book:

You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness. (Exodus 23:1 ESV)

Also gossip may appear casual but it actually brings serious consequences for the perpetrator.

Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; No one who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart will I endure (Psalm 101:5 ESV)


8 Types of Gossip, 26 Bible Verses

A Bible Study on Gossip: Tips to Stop it

Women in Leadership

Oh no we are going down this path and I don’t know if people will have hurt feelings when we are done. What does the Bible say about women in leadership and are some of the practices mentioned outdated? What does the contemporary church say about women in leadership?

Miriam (Exodus 15:20), was a prophet and after the liberation of Israel she led the women in praise and worship with a tambourine. Being a prophet meant that you had a connection with God in a sense he would speak through you and you would deliver these messages that would come to pass. Believers would come to you for guidance and leadership.

Deborah (Judges 4:4-5), was a prophet and a judge of Israel and a wife where her husband was barely mentioned but she still maintained a leadership role where men and women would come to her for advice. As a judge she would give advice on military or legal decisions. The bible was clear in mentioning that she was still a wife, which is a role in the home, and we will talk more about that later.

Esther (Esther 4:15-17), was a Queen and she facilitated the saving of the Jewish people from the Gentile King while maintaining a submissive role to her husband the King. She used only her words to persuade the King to save her people. This is a great example of how a woman can lead without compromising their submissive role as a wife in the home.

Traditional church blends the roles of women in the home with roles in the church. The bible indicates in Eph 5:22-24, “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” It does not say that all women should submit to all men in everything including in the church. It just hints at the fact that headship is a masculine role while submission is a feminine role. Women are not incapable of leading. There were many examples of women leaders but when there are examples of women becoming the head over their husbands in the home there are usually consequences for such a disorder of God’s design.

In Gen 3:16, God told the woman that her desire will be to control her husband and he will rule over her. It was also Eve’s desire to have the wisdom of God that caused her to take of the forbidden fruit in the first place. This desire of power is a deeply rooted humane idea. What does it mean to rule over someone? Does it mean to control thoughts and actions? No, it means that the ruler has the authority to approve their decisions. They still have the decision to make and they have free will in a sense.

If we go back to the beginning of creation, man was made from the earth for the earth or to work/tend the land, woman was made from man for man as a “helper” and there establishes the role of the feminine image and masculine image. As a role of helper for feminine ideals she was meant to help the man but it is not determined how to help the man. This general description leaves it open enough to assume that as long as the woman as a wife remains in submission to the authority of her husband then she can teach or assume roles of leadership.

The divine order is Christ as the head of the church just as husband is the head of the wife. The wife is as the church which is rooted in femininity. The masculine role of Christ and the husband is positioned as the head which means in charge of governance. In Gen 3, the serpent set out to disrupt this order by deceiving Eve instead of Adam. Eve was in submission to her husband Adam as he was with her and was to assume protector and provider. She also recalled what she was told by Adam not to eat of the forbidden fruit as he relayed instructions given as a warning from God. So, Adam assumed the role of teacher.

In 1 Tim 2:12, it reads “I do not let women teach men or have authority over them. Let them listen quietly.” Also, in 1 Cor 14:34 it says women are to be silent in the churches. They are not permitted to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.” These scriptures speak to the customs of their times. I do not believe that these scriptures should be taken out of context and interpreted literally in a more contemporary setting. In that time, women were viewed as lower citizens than men and the tone of the bible seems to celebrate masculine authority and encourage feminine submission.

Furthermore, in 1 Cor 12: 22-23, the bible reads “In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care.” Women are typically seen as the weakest and least important when discussing gender differences. I interpret this scripture as women being the part of the body seen as less honorable but being handled with the greatest care. If women are to be leaders in the church the only stipulation is that they must submit to their own husbands and if they are not wives, they must submit to Christ in the same way. They are fully capable of being leaders, even in the household but in a biblical sense must understand the headship of the husband and Christ.



The Adam Complex

The Struggle is Real

Humanity is struggling with the same things that Adam struggled with long ago: what is right and wrong? Adam is a symbol of humanity as he and Eve took of the “forbidden fruit” to gain the wisdom of God. Everyone is searching for purpose, meaning, and connection but God can only reveal these things. In Genesis 2, God gave Adam the purpose of caring for the garden but it came with a warning not to eat of the forbidden fruit.

Engage in Spiritual Warfare

There are consequences for our actions as you can see in Genesis 3 with the fall of man. It is important to maintain humility as you operate in your purpose and know that sometimes we may get off track. We may be confused and misguided at times but we cannot be predisposed to hating truth and loving lies. It is in our nature to take on the same beliefs and actions of Adam and Eve but we must battle these thoughts on the spiritual battlefield.

Overcoming the Spirit of Adam and Eve

There has been a long standing debate over time about who was responsible for the fall of man, Adam or Eve?  The reality is they both share blame in what caused them to sin.  When God created Eve to be Adam’s wife, it was with the responsibilities of being his helpmate.  A helpmate will never intentionally cause harm, hurt, danger, mislead, or willfully sin against her husband.  The complex of Eve is that so many times we can listen to people that mean us no good, that will not give you biblically sound advise yet tell you what they want in order to appease their own agenda.  Keep in mind the serpent knew what God had instructed Adam and Eve not to do, but because the snake wanted to cause confusion and destruction, he told Eve a story about what the forbidden fruit was really about in order to not only deceive Eve but cause Eve to deceive her husband.  The complex of Adam is that as head of his marriage and head of the garden, he shifted the blame on to his wife when God came to him.  It’s import note that God addressed Adam, not Eve.  Why is this important?  Because God is a God of order, and God gave dominion to Adam, therefore regardless of what Even did, God held Adam responsible for what happened with Eve and in the Garden.  Two things to take away from this.  One is in your marriage don’t willfully let people in that will cause destruction or cause you to deceive or lie to your spouse.  As the husband, know that God holds you responsible for what he has given you and to take responsibility for what goes on.  These two things would save a lot of marriages.

Why is there a need to cover your sin or whatever you call the source of your shame as Adam and Eve did when they found they were naked? God already is all knowing so you cannot hide your sin from Him. God gave us a purpose and direction. We form our own religion and traditions but people do not agree with what God said and they create this alternative religion that involves “doing good” in their eyes and the eyes of the company they keep. Is that really doing right in God’s eyes?

Being is Greater than Doing

I truly believe that you can just be good rather than do good. Being good in God’s eyes involves spending time in His word to find out what he has called you to be. Then just be instead doing other things to appear good. Adam and Eve we created for a purpose and they just needed to stop trying so hard to prevent death through their actions. The fear of death consumed them and Eve desired more that what was provided.

Developing Healthy Relationships

How do we form, reform, and end relationships to move forward in our destiny? First let’s talk about the different types of relationships: Family, Friends, Romantic, and Casual. There can be other categories of relationships but these are the most common.


Family is usually where you learn about love first. Your first interaction with others is usually within your family. Having a healthy relationship with family members can be a challenge as you feel obligated to get along and operate out of love despite their actions and attitudes. God talks of our relationship with him as a parent-child relationship (2 Cor 6:18 And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty). Since you cannot pick your family, we were not chosen to be children of God it is just how it is. Which means fellow believers are brothers and sisters in Christ and cannot be chosen. Scripture also shows that the church is the bride and bridegroom is Christ. When you talk about marriage, it is a deeper relationship where you become family and we are the church.


Friends usually know each other well and have a mutual trust and respect for each other. Friendships may form naturally and evolve as you get older. Jesus says that a friend must do what he commands and confide in him. You also get to choose your friends and express love towards one another.  (John 15:13-17) This friendship relationship described here is seemingly contradictory than the familial relationship described above but Jesus wants us to be all types of relationships at once because he can be everything to you.


Romantic relationships can be intimate and sexual in nature. When you are single, Jesus can fill the void of a companion in a sense that your fleshly desires will be suppressed if you trust in him and have faith that your mate is being prepared for you. Each person in a healthy romantic relationship should have their own identity and mutual respect. The wife was created as a helper to the man (Gen 2:18) and together they are “one flesh” (Gen 2:24). Also, in Ephesians 5 it talks about the relationship in detail between husband and wife. I wondered why in genesis it would make the distinction that once married they are one flesh where the flesh is the root of your sinful nature.


Casual relationships are any other relationship you form with a person that is not family, friendship, or romantic. Many relationships start out casual and may move to a more intimate or close relationship. Your relationship with Jesus and his people may be casual at first if you are not sure about accepting Christ as your Lord and savior.


What does the bible say about forming relationships?


2 Cor 6:14, 17

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteous be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. Don’t touch their filthy things and I will welcome you.

If you are going to form an intimate relationship with someone then you will need to know their belief system to determine if they are unbelievers. Teaming up can be family, friends, and romantic relationships. This scripture can be exclusionary because it can be misunderstood as disassociating yourself with unbelievers but we are called to interact with them in some way as to witness to them. We can be friends and not be “yoked” where I go wherever you go and think whatever you think. In marriage, it is another story because you form a bond with your spouse to the point that your decisions affect them and vice versa.


What does the bible say about your relationship with Christ? Should you have a “personal” relationship with him?


The scripture does not mention a personal relationship in those words; it mentions a student-teacher or sheep-shepherd relationship as you become a disciple of Christ which means student of his teachings. We, as the church, are to become one body of disciples as Christ and God are one. Christ is in us and God is in him. We are called to express love or a deep feeling of affection for others. Jesus wants us to love others to show that we are his disciples. The only personal experience that is mentioned is that God sent the Spirit of his Son to live in our hearts. One could argue that in John 10 it mentions the intimacy that we should have with Christ as we should recognize his voice and he knows each one of our names.


Additional References

John 17:20-23

I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.


Gal 4:6

And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”


John 13:34-35

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

My Spiritual Addiction

Certain “human tendencies” tend to interfere with spiritual growth and healthy relationships making for unhealthy behaviors and habits. We discussed the importance of distinguishing between God’s instruction and man-made religion last week but I want to explore the reasoning behind the formation of religious behavior and the effects of religious addiction. Personally, I have found that when you are a babe in Christ, it is necessary to acquire the habit of performing rituals in order to learn the best practices. You should be able to grow and progress from just being able to follow, to comprehend, and then to apply. Soon, you will be able to formulate your own theories and ideas concerning the best Christian walk for yourself. See the table below based on Bloom’s Taxonomy to learn about the natural progression from being a student to an expert.




Student Experienced Administrator Logistics Visionary Expert
Tasks Locate









Problem Solving



















Goal Remember Understand Apply Analyze Evaluate Create


Why do individuals form habits or follow religious practices? What do they have to gain?

First, let’s look at the definition of addiction. Addiction is the continued use of a mood-altering substance or behavior despite adverse dependency consequences, or a neurological impairment leading to such kind of a behavior. Religious addiction would include obsession with spirituality to the point of neglecting family or other relationships, causing financial burden, or diminished mental health. As with any addiction, recovery is possible.

Pastors and other religious leaders may form an addiction to “serving” to the extent of damaging relationships, engaging in solitude, and carrying financial burdens. I would like to study the psychological and physical effects of religion and how one can be addicted to the personal satisfaction of volunteering time, money, and energy to religious efforts while neglecting personal needs.

Do your habits limit free will?

Religious addiction is a behavioral disorder and can destroy lives just as substance addictions do. Religion or rituals can provide an escape from painful realities or feelings. The characteristics in this regard include a daily need for the behavior and the inability to stop. Despite health or financial issues, the addict continues to perform rituals. This kind of a behavior triggers the release of dopamine. Continued practice makes the process more prominent and engrained into memories. Religious addiction forbids questioning any belief or practice. Religion is an organized belief system that consists of human rules about God. Spirituality, on the other hand, is the process of becoming a well-rounded person. It gives people the ability to discover their own uniqueness. People believe that following rules will bring them back into the graces of God. There is a beginning, a middle, and an end stage of religious addiction. A primary symptom is the inability to question. Then you have the intense need to follow rules and unrealistic financial contributions.

Treatment Steps

  1. Confront thinking in extremes
  2. Remember that a sin is an act and it does not make you a failure
  3. Do not be so critical of yourself and others; we are perfect by design
  4. Accept your humanity
  5. Be merciful to yourself and others

What does the Bible say about spirituality?

Gal 5:22-23 NLT

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

The fruit you produce will determine if you are on the right path. Do a self-evaluation of the love you give and receive, the joy you have, your peace, patience, kindness, and goodness. If you feel you are not receiving these things in return for your actions, you may need to change.

Eph 3:17-19

So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

I interpret this scripture this way that you must focus your energies in expressing the love of Christ rather than the knowledge of Him. So, religion can be used to know Christ more but your relationship is what you must cultivate to show love and experience the fullness of God.

1 Cor 13:11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

Children need structure and order when they are developing their moral character. The same can be true for those who desire to follow the faith of Christianity. When you are a child in Christ, you need religion and rituals to learn the practices and teachings of Christ. But, just as you mature in life, you must also mature in your Christian walk where pointless religion is put away and the focus is on your unique Christian walk.

Other References

Religious Addiction: Obsession with Spirituality, Cheryl Zerbe Taylor

The Ideal Exchange

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”

~ Philippians 4:6 NLT


My Needs

I need love. I need freedom. I need rules. I need boundaries. I need to feel useful. I need to feel sexy. I need to feel wanted. I have a purpose. I am unique. I am beautiful. I need to feel safe. I have a voice. I need to speak. I need someone to listen to. I need someone to read to. I need to be read to. I need love. A godly love. An unconditional love.


Communication Theory

In the classic study of communication theory, there is a sender, a message, a receiver, noise, and feedback. An ideal exchange would show the sender sending a clear message to the receiver despite the noise and receive the intended feedback. How will the same look if you are to receive a message from God?


God has a message for you and he will send it either through you reading His word, your fellowship with other Christians, through prayer, through preaching and teaching, and through meditation. He expects you to react with feedback of praise and worship, the conviction to flee from sins, and encouragement to minister to others and create disciples. What is preventing us from hearing and acting on God’s message? Noise.


Anything that prevents you from receiving God’s message clearly and reverting with the desired response is considered noise. Let’s break it down. The definition of noise is a sound that is loud or not harmonious. This means noise is not pleasing to hear and is unwanted. The world is filled with all types of noise but I want to focus on a particular type of noise: Religious Noise.

Too much of religious preaching can cloud the true message of God and prevent you from giving the Almighty the glory he deserves. Traditional church is based on antiquated religion that is misunderstood by its followers. Very few question the elders or other religious authorities because they believe in the idea of church and they have been taught that “obedience is better than sacrifice.” Many mindlessly obey religious views in search of a hope that they believe can only obtained by a true relationship with God. How can you have a healthy relationship with God when there is so much noise that you cannot even communicate with him?


God’s Desires

Building a relationship with God takes time and effort just as it takes time to develop a relationship with another person. You need to talk to God regularly and listen for guidance. Spend time reading and hearing his word so that you can apply it to your daily walk with Christ. I would be surprised if God did not want you to practice what you have learned in his word and share it with others so that they may experience the relationship you have with God. God’s desires should be your desires. If religious practices are robbing you of an intimate time with God, then what is the purpose of following them? I truly believe that religion was initially formed to promote a Christian and blameless life while ensuring order amongst saints. With all the interpretations and passing over of traditions from generation to generation, religion has gotten even further away from this goal. In some cases, religion can bring disorder and dissension among those trying to do right in the eyes of God.


Man-Made Religion

Religion is a system of beliefs with origins in spirituality and theology. When God spoke in the bible, he did not speak of a system of beliefs but of creation or transformation. In Genesis chapter one, God spoke of the existence of all the things on earth, including light and darkness. In Genesis chapter three, Eve created religion by telling the serpent in the garden what God had told them about they could and could not do. God gave them the free will to do but man created religion to ensure that humans did not experience the consequences of their sin. As you can see, religion originally had good intentions but in this contemporary world filled with more contemporary circumstances, you need something more than religion to prevent yourself from committing sins. Eve’s belief system was based on the fear of death that she would die if she ate from the tree of knowledge. God gave instructions but it was her religion or belief system that evoked the fear. When she overcame this fear, she sinned in spite of God’s instructions; so her religion became useless as it was meant to prevent an action that could be displeasing to God – sin. Since the penalty for sin is death, Eve created religion to avoid sinning in fear of death.